embracing my inner hippie.

   I don’t know about you, but the way some people treat our awesome planet really ticks me off. What is so hard about recycling, huh? And not using copious amounts of plastic, a.k.a. petroleum, a.k.a. OIL? Sick. Why can’t people just hop on a bike and ride the mile to work instead of driving their low mpg “cool” cars? Who invented plastic grocery bags and can I punch them in the jugular? On top of that, who came up with the bright idea of putting LEAVES into PLASTIC garbage bags? Really? Leaves do not need to be thrown away. Leaves, like other natural matter, DECOMPOSE. Another jugular punch is definitely necessary for that brilliant thinker. What is so hard about composting? “Hm, should I throw this in this plastic bag or should I walk three steps outside to put it in a compost bin? SUCH A DILEMMA!” But no, instead we just take the easy way out (as with everything else) and throw it over our shoulder into the most convenient location. It doesn’t matter if composting would benefit your garden, doesn’t even cross your mind. Going along with that train of thought, why don’t more people plant gardens?! So simple, really. Buy seeds, dig up plot of dirt, plant seeds, water seeds, voila! Food! Right outside of your house! Who’da thunk. I guess not everyone has the ability to dig up a plot of dirt, so for you multilevel apartment dwellers and inner-city inhabitants, I guess you are forgiven. But the rest of you! No excuses. Fresh produce from your own garden tastes better than any tomato or green beans you could buy in the store, anyway. I could go on and on about this stuff all day. Like electricity wasters! Turn off the G-D lights! Don’t do laundry every day, don’t run your dishwasher every night, don’t leave your TVs on, and don’t take half hour showers! I realize these are all the benefits of not living in a third world country, but do you know what it looks like? Gluttony. I don’t know how I got to be so environmentally conscious, especially because I was definitely not raised with the planet in mind. I guess we were told to “save electricity” but I feel like that was more financially-based. No recycling in my house, no way! Those little plastic sandwich baggies were gone quicker than you could say “pollution”. As soon as I got to college, I realized how much waste one person can create. It grossed me out! Especially watching how much food and trash the dorm cafeteria threw out every day. Garbage is everywhere! I also realize you can’t just not create waste. Kind of impossible. But you can certainly try to reduce your amount. It’s strange to me that people don’t think about the products they’re using. That plastic water bottle you just tossed into the trash can? Not only did you throw it into a plastic garbage bag (which takes anywhere from 10-100 years to biodegrade in a landfill), but that little bottle will take between 50-100 years to “go away”! And putting it into another plastic material does not help the situation! And that aluminum can you just leisurely sipped from before crushing then tossing it into the ‘can? 200-400 years! Doesn’t that just make you sick? To think of all of the plastic and aluminum this world goes through in a day, just throwing it into the garbage like it’s no biggie…disturbing. And don’t even get me started on plastic grocery bags…this picture says enough about that. 

   It’s simple, really. Think about what you’re consuming every day. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that throwing something away makes it disappear forever, because that is far from the truth. This is where that bottle or can or bag or container goes: 

And that’s where it stays. For a LONG. TIME. There are always easier and more convenient ways of doing things, but that does not mean it’s the right way. Take the time to care for this little floating globe in the atmosphere or it won’t be as pretty, healthy, or life-friendly anymore. How does that not make people sad? It definitely gets to me.

good prank, sir.

   This past Friday night, my friends and I made the brilliant decision to watch “Jeepers Creepers” on Netflix. Splendid movie, just grand.

   We watched the movie (I might have fallen asleep) and the incredible cinematography was just coming to an end, finishing with a lovely scene where a guy is hanging from the ceiling with no eyeballs, and literally right as the credits started to roll the doorbell rang. We all just looked at each other with really wide eyes, none of us moving. The house was completely dark, it was almost 1:00am, and no one ever rings the doorbell.

   It rang again and we could see someone standing out on the porch in the dark. The porch light wasn’t on so we could only see a dark figure. Perfect timing! I was already afraid that as soon as I stood up from the couch after watching the movie, some creepy monster-faced visitor of death would pop out and grab me. Now my heart was beating 15x its normal rate and my palms were sweating.

   Finally my boyfriend got up to answer the door. He opened it just enough to see a police man standing there in the dark. He was really short and pale and looked like he just saw his grandma naked. 

     “Good evening, sir.” – Officer

     “Hi” – boyfriend

     “What are you doing?”

     “Watching a movie…”

     “Hm”

     *Awkward silence where boyfriend and officer just kind of stare at each other*

     “Do you drive a blue XTerra?” – Officer

     “No, but my neighbor does” – boyfriend

     “Hm”

     *Cricket….cricket…*

     “What’s that on your shirt?” – Officer

     “Oh, it’s just grease. From a long time ago” – boyfriend

     “Hm”

     *Officer grabs his little shoulder-radio to say something but then doesn’t*

     “Have a good night” – Officer

   Then he left. As he was leaving, another officer appeared from the shadows in the far corner of the porch, nodded at us, then walked away into the night...

   Creepy much?!

   My boyfriend slowly closed the door, locked both the knob and the deadbolt, and turned around. None of us had really moved from our positions-of-fear during the conversation, eyes still wide, so without really saying much we turned off the TV and retired for the evening so I could get plenty of time to dream of this and fear for my safety: 

So much for restful beauty sleep.

Presenting: Things That Make Being A Female Irritating

   There are a few things I’ve confronted throughout this life-journey as a female that I consider worth whining about. Some are weird, some are gross, some are awkward. But most all of them are funny. Here are a few I’ve noticed as of late.

1. Shedding

   Hair is such an important component of expressing oneself nowadays. You can say a lot just by how much time you spend doing it, how noticeable your style is, if you wash it or not. But what impression are you giving when you sport a hair cape? I’m not talking this kind of hair cape:

Which, depending on the context, would also cause people to look at you strangely. In fact, the only scenario I can really come up with in which this type of hair cape would be appropriate is if you were receiving a haircut. Or if you had an extreme drooling problem and felt the need to protect your clothing. But in that case, you’d probably be used to stares anyway.

Not this kind, either:

I’m talking about this kind of hair cape:

Yes, I drew it myself. It’s a self-portrait of how I look every day, my spiderweb-thin reddish-brownish-blondish three foot long pieces of dead, detached hair streaming off of me like some Maypole celebration.

   Sometimes I can sense someone touching me just to turn around and see some brave soul (usually female) helping a sister out by removing parts of my hair cape. Other times I go all day just to come home and realize the back of my shirt looks like I just rolled around in some Irish Wolfhound’s travel crate. I’m sure people think I have some strange disease that causes me to lose substantial amounts of hair on a daily basis. The fact that I constantly am touching my hair does not help my case, either.

   The good news is I know I’m not the only person that suffers from this condition. I see plenty of other females sporting different lengths, densities, and colors of hair capes all the time. It’s still gross, though.

2. Makeup

   I hate makeup. I hate the idea of it almost as much as I hate putting it on. Then why do you wear it? You may ask. The answer is stupid and makes me dislike society: I feel not-so-pretty without it. There, I said it. I said it because every single other girl out there wears makeup for that exact same reason. If that wasn’t true, then what would be the point of putting it on in the first place? Exactly.

   If I do wear makeup, which is only like three days out of the week, I only wear mascara. And maybe some sparkly eye shadow. And occasionally some pencil liner. But mainly just mascara. There is reason to this. Without mascara, I feel like I look like this:

With mascara, I’m 98% positive that I look like this:

Drastic improvement if I say so myself. Basically I think every woman should just stop wearing makeup, period. Naturally pretty people that also wear makeup should be stripped of their makeup-purchasing rights. Are you with me?!

3. Food Ordering Stereotypes

   You know how, in the older movies, women always ordered something pathetic when out to dinner? Like a salad “sans dressing” or “just some fruit”? I’m so glad times have changed and it is now considered socially acceptable for women to actually eat. Such a milestone! Although the concept has been recognized by the public, I can’t say it doesn’t still surprise some people.

   For instance, the other week I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and I ordered a burger. A big burger. With fries. Lots and lots of fries. This little old couple was sitting across the room from us and when my order came, this little bird of a woman clucked her tongue at me. She clucked at me! For ordering a burger with fries! I was pissed. I proceeded to take huge, manly bites out of my cheeseburger and lick my fingers clean. I ate every single French fry and made sure to eat at least 75% of the burger (it was pretty large, I’ll admit). Good thing my boyfriend is usually too immersed in his meal to notice how unlady-like I eat sometimes…The little lady looked over at me a few times in what I interpreted as utter disgust and disapproval. She was eating a cup of soup, I should mention.

    What’s so wrong with a big meal, huh? Don’t I deserve food? It’d be one thing if I was 600 pounds and had just ordered some disgustingly large meal, now that would deserve a clucking. But I’m 21 years old, still have a fairly good metabolism, and am active. So you know what, society? I’m ordering a burger. And I’m gonna finish it. 

great success!

   I am literally only writing this as an excuse to not spend any more time studying for my dumb awesome accounting final tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM. What is wrong with people? Classes at 8:00am is hard enough…but an exam? You’re too kind.

   It’s easy to get consumed by life when your world is so small. I thought my life would be stuffed full of so many new and different things when I came to college, but it has almost gotten smaller. Every day during the semester, school-related things absorb me. I find it hard to find a crack in the walls of my every day routine to squeeze through in order to remind myself that there is more to life than good grades, shifts at work, and other never-ending responsibilities.

   It’s really easy for me to become jealous of fellow college-goers who can find the time to have friends over for dinner, go grab a drink on a Tuesday night, or spend the entire weekend out adventuring. I can’t be the only one that has hours of homework every night, but it definitely feels like it sometimes. I pride myself in my time management skills, so why can’t I find the time to do things I actually enjoy? You’d think by now I’d have it figured out, it being my third year of college and all.

   I find myself thinking, “someday I’ll be able to find the time to go to yoga a couple times a week, make myself my favorite dishes for dinner, go visit places in Montana I’ve been dying to see, and slow down to enjoy the little things”…but the reality is that I have to start that now if it’s what I want in the future. It’s kind of like the thought process of “I can eat all of the junk food I want while I’m young! I’ll start eating healthier in the future”. We all know that’s a big joke. You have to start those healthy habits now or you’re screwed. That’s how I feel about enjoying life…if I don’t learn how to do it now, how am I going to figure it out when I’ve got a full-time career, kids (maybe), a hubby (maybe), dogs (duh), and the billion other things that come along with “growing up”? It’ll be a lost cause.

   I’m not much for depressing blog posts but I needed something to distract me! And it worked. I officially wasted 25 minutes worth of possible study time writing this! Great success (in Borat accent).

   Also, here is a picture of my creepy friendly neighbor’s cat that taunts and torments me every day. I wish I was you. But only for like…an hour. I like my opposable thumbs.