NOT friends, cont'd.

To see Part 1 of this post, click here.

    Tysha and I managed to survive in the same living space for an entire semester. I came to realize that having an odd roommate is part of the "college experience" and provided me with numerous learning opportunities. To emphasize, let's go through some pro's and con's.

      PROs of having a roommate who was literally the exact opposite of myself:

   1. Taco Bell really does taste better after 11pm. I was once offered one of her three bean burritos while doing some late-night homework. This could also be considered a con, however, because it took me about three months of random indulgance to realize late-night bean burritos don't exactly, uh, sit well.

   2. Sleeping is necessary. Due to the fact she slept close to 19 hours a day, I found myself also relishing extra sleep. If I had a get-up-and-go sort of roommate, I would not have been able to sleep in whenever I felt like it. (You think I'm kidding about the 19 hours, don't you?)

3. Thanks to Tysha, I quickly became accustomed to the lingering scent of stale beer and marijuana. It allowed me to attend parties unaffected by the particular scent.

   See? Those are all good things, right?

   I'd go through the con's, but I would hate to be mean. Or sarcastic.

   As first semester came to an end, I decided I could deal with another semester rooming with Tysha. The decision was made mostly because I was too lazy to disassemble my enormous loft and I was afraid of having to clean all the dust bunnies out from under my desk.

   Finals week came along and I found myself facing an 8:00am Anthropology exam. Tysha was gone so I had the stuffy room all to myself. I studied late, probably too late, and was happy Tysha had chosen to spend her evening elsewhere, giving me plenty of focus-time.

   I was used to her coming’s and going’s so it didn’t surprise me much when I heard a key fumbling at our lock.

   The extra voice, however, did surprise me. Particularly because it didn’t belong to a female.

   Due to my extreme fatigue, I rolled over and forced myself back to sleep. It was almost working until I heard noises that instantly made my eyes snap open.

   For respect of your gag reflexes, I won’t go into too much detail here. Let’s just say the noise made when slapping two water balloons together closely resembled that of what was coming from, oh, three feet below my head.

   In addition to the slapping noises, there was murmuring. And…sighing. And the soft whimpering noises I was making from under my pillows to block out the horror.

   I sat awake, half crying – half humming, for about two hours. TWO HOURS. All I can say is he must have had some sort of super power. Or she wasn’t, ahem, the best.

   At about 6:00am, my alarm went off and I climbed down my loft with about three hours of sleep. Considering there was a male in the room, I had to collect all my clothes and supplies and head down the hall to the communal bathroom where I got dressed in an empty shower stall and washed my face in a two-foot-tall sink clogged with God knows what. I stalked back to my room only to literally run into the owner of the male voice from the previous night’s adventures. He stepped to the side, winked at me, and whistled as he walked down the hallway toward the stairwell. I almost puked.

   After my exam, I left Tysha a note (she was sleeping) saying I no longer wanted to be her roommate and that I was moving out for the second semester. I also told her she was gross. Looking back, I probably should have clarified why I said that. Oops.

   Also looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t say something when they were just getting going. Something along the lines of “HEY! I’M F&%#ING SLEEPING HERE!” Although, knowing Tysha, that probably wouldn’t have deterred her. I also could have thrown something at them, but then again there’s no way I would have succumbed one of my pillows to such…nastiness. So I just sat there.

   Basically, whenever you talk to your elders and they tell you about that one aweful college roommate, remember that it really does happen to everyone. I never even saw it coming. You've been warned.