Updated: NATURE IS FUN

   The weather was so nice today that I decided I’d join the resident Campus Hippies and chillax on the grass during my hour break. I found a tranquil little shady spot up the hill from the campus “Duck Pond” and proceeded to eat my granola bar while pretending to retain some of my accounting chapter I still haven’t gotten through completely. After relaxing in peace for all of five minutes, I couldn’t help but notice three ducks approaching me at a rather alarming pace. Not wanting to make a big deal and embarrass myself, I pretended to find it cute and entertaining that these three animals were coming to join me for my lunch. Not only were they basically running at me, but they were yelling during the entire journey in duck-tongue.

   I had two options: a) gather up all of my stuff and run out of there (this is what the majority of my brain was telling me to do) or b) act like it was no biggy and admire the lil’ munchkins as they yelled at me and nipped at my toes.

   Because I was surrounded by peers and didn’t really want to look like some duck-fearing fool, I decided to sit it out. I figured they’d go away once I shoved the rest of my granola bar in my mouth and ignored them. But they didn’t. It was awkward sitting there with three ducks squawking at my face at a mere distance of seven inches. To relieve the awkwardness, I decided to pull out my phone and act like I was enjoying my one-on-one time with nature. I smiled and took pictures of them to make it seem like we were coexisting in peace.

"Haha...so much fun! Ha...ha...." - me

   FINALLY they meandered down the hill toward another defenseless lunch-goer and I breathed a sigh of relief.

   THEN SUDDENLY! They came tearing back up the hill toward me, screaming louder than ever! Some new guy duck was chasing the girl duck (perv) and for some unknown reason, I was the “safety zone” because the she-duck came and sat right next to me. Squawking. Loudly. The three remaining guy dicks, I mean ducks, proceeded to circle me- one trying to get at the female, and the other two trying to guard her. SO AWKWARD. I just sat there while people walking on campus stared at me as some creepy duck love triangle got all Jerry Springer on me when I was just trying to ENJOY MY LUNCH GOSH DANGIT.

   To say the least, I’m going to find a new location. Also, ducks are gross. 

*UPDATED*: Two ducks flew into my car as I was driving home the next day. WHAT IS GOING ON. I'm being targeted.