Presenting: Things That Twist My Panties in a Knot

Group Projects.

   Someone please tell me when, in the “real world”, I will ever have to sit down with three people that are not remotely interested in the subject assigned and crank out a paper about accounting regulations. Oh, never? That’s what I thought, too. Then why do I have to do it every other week? What could I have possibly done to disturb the Group Assigning Gods so violently that they continually curse me with such horrible group mates? Do I have a giant sign on my back saying “PICK ME TO WORK WITH THE SLACKERS! PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!”?

People who get way too excited about a 5 degree increase in temperature.

   Ok ladies, I realize you’ve been dying to bust out your crop shorts and figure-forming tanks but I just would like to point out that it’s 60 degrees out in the sun with a wind chill. I don’t know if you’ve picked up on the fact that it has snowed two out of the last five days, but that’s probably a sign that you should be wearing substantially more clothing. I get it! The semester is a-winding down and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the “light” being a glorious, warmth-filled summer. But it’s April in Montana and sundresses just aren’t going to cut it. Plus I can totally tell you used more tanning lotion on your right leg than your left.

People that are oblivious to the fact that we can hear their music through their headphones.

  Hey there, feel free to sit down next to me in this quiet computer lab at 9:00am! I see you’re working on some homework as well. Nice iPhone! Man, I wish I could remember to bring my iPod to school so I could listen to music while I work on stuff, too…Oh wow, your music is really loud. Five Finger Death Punch, huh? Classic. Oh yeah, you go right on ahead and turn that up a little more as if it’s not loud enough. Oh nooo I don’t mind the noise! I mean, I wholly hoped there would be an annoying distraction when I came to the lab to work on this! THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THE PRIVILEGE OF LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC WITH YOU! Make sure you keep tapping your foot and clicking your pen, too!

People who plan what they’re going to say back to you and completely ignore 

what you’re saying

Conversations usually go something like this:

   Me: “Hey! I’d really like to buy a bike. I’m not sure if I’m a medium or small frame though. Could you help me?”

   Bike Guy: “Sure! Do you feel squished when you’re on the small frame?”

   Me: “Yeah, kinda. I feel like my back is really rounded and my legs look like they’re about to hit my elbows-“

   Bike Guy: “Well I have like five of these bikes and the 29” wheels are really nice, you can like take them on trails and even ride them in town.”

   Me: “Um…that’s cool. So anyway, do you think that’s normal that my knees are so close to my arms?”

   Bike Guy: “Well how do you feel on the medium frame?”

   Me: “Stretched out more, but I don’t know if I should be that extended.”

   Bike Guy: “Sometimes you might need to come in and get your bike tuned up because after you’ve ridden it for a while, the cords and all that nonsense get all stretched out and it won’t respond the way you want it to.”

   Me: “Right. Well I’m gonna just go with the medium then…”

      Thanks for your help not.