Presenting: Places My Hair Gets Stuck

   I have really, really long hair.

   I love my long hair. I get a lot of compliments on it because it’s naturally straight and strawberry blonde. It works as a nice scarf in the winter to keep my neck warm and a horse-like tail in the summer to whip flies away. Ok, I don’t actually do either of those things but it gives you a visual of just how long my hair is.

   Now that I have really talked it up, I will present the challenges of having hair of such a length.

Presenting: Places My Hair Gets Stuck

Exhibit A – Underneath my backpack strap.

Occurs: Daily. Sometimes multiple times a day.

Why this happens:  I usually fling my backpack over a shoulder and only realize my hair is trapped beneath the strap when I go to turn my head quickly in the opposite direction. Very painful and irritating

Results: Has caused me to throw my backpack on the ground as well as make animal-like angry noises.

Exhibit B – In my gum.

Occurs: At least once a week.

Why this happens: I must either chew gum with only my front teeth, allowing it to be easily accessed on the off chance that a piece of hair flies anywhere near my mouth, or I unknowingly mistake my hair for gum despite its dissimilar texture.

Results: Gum is ruined. Hair is sticky. Angry animal noises are made. People stare.

Exhibit C – In my armpit.

Occurs: Every time I wear a tank-top.

Why this happens: I sweat, ok? Don’t you? So my hair sticks to my sweat when I work out then migrates to my armpits and get stuck. That just presented a pretty gross visual. But seriously, it happens. And it’s painful.

Results: Sweaty hair. Weird sensation in my armpit since I don’t usually sport much hair in that general area. Weird looks at the gym. Pain.

Exhibit D – In my seatbelt thingy.

Occurs: Every single time I get out of my car.

Why this happens: My hair and my seatbelt have some strange attraction to each other. Due to this, when the seatbelt gets sucked back into its hidy-hole when I go to get out of my car, my hair likes to go along with it. I don’t realize this until I am completely out of my car but my head is still somehow attached to the vehicle. Severe pain occurs.

Results: Loss of precious hair. Angry stomping. Watery eyes if enough hair is stuck. Stares.

And finally, Exhibit E – In my boyfriend’s “beard”.

Occurs: Whenever I see him.

Why this happens: Facial hair is basically like a giant comb. You do the math.

Results: No pain, just…awkward. He usually freaks out because it tickles his face and I try to pull it out before he loses it and yanks out pieces of precious hair. On the upside, my hair usually ends up tangle-free!